I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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