Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
