where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
