never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
