It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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