I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
