i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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