dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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