Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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