escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
