foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
