my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Randomize
