I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think I am morally bankrupt
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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