Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
