I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
