Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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