"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
