I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
