I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
