please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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