No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
