i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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