So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
