then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
