I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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