Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
