Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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