Michael Bay diarrhea
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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