He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
