She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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