she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
