They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
