he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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