I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
