youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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