i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
