Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
