I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
