I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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