I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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