I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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