So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
