Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
