Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
