Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
