if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
