is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My dad is sitting where you rode me
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
