another moral hangover. fuck.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
