I skipped work to stalk him.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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