i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
