smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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