turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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