and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
