Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
