Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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