How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
