I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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