so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
