So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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