Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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