Jerry, you need to find god
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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