Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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