In America we eat man semen.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
