I puked a lego.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
