I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
