I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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