Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
