a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
