think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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