Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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