Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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