I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
