My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
