Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
