we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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