I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
