I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
