Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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