You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
whose parrot is this?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
