had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
