3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
