on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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