I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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