Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she pinky promised me she was 18
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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