batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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