Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
