So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
