Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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