I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Vodka?
Forever.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
